August 2009
32 posts
"What we've got here is a failure to...
In an attempt to prove my intellectual superiority regarding all things pop culture, I engaged JD in a dubious line of questioning. Knowing the answer before I asked the question, our dialogue is below:
DA - you know how Prof SO’nSO always uses the line - “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.” Do you know where or what its from?
JD - i don’t know. is if...
“ The problem with the gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard”
– David Gerrold
The Doctor...
I went to the doctor the other day and received some bad news – I’m fat. I was skeptical at first, so I asked for a second opinion. He brought in a mirror. Dude did his homework, it was a textbook diagnosis. Our conversation went as follows:
Doctor: “Based on your body mass index, you’re overweight and borderline obese.”
Me: “Hmm, what are my options?”
Doctor: “Options? You have a...
2 Kinds of People in Life...
I’ve come to realize that there are 2 kinds of people in life -
those that like the Beastie Boys,
AND
those that don’t like the Beastie Boys.
Actually, I’ve only had one “friend,” in all my life, that DIDN’T like the the Beastie Boys and we’re not even friends anymore.
So I guess, in reality, a better title for this entry is -
“People...
the definitive article of clothing... →
my pie-chart-adverse associate will down play the epic-ness of this piece of high fashion. don’t let him dissuade you. it’s awesome.
-D.A.
district 9 - the movie: an unbiased assessment.
it sucked…
-D.A.
would you rather...
would you rather:
have your own Transformer.
Literally a giant transforming robot car, with laser cannon hands that also doubles as your own personal chauffeur/designated driver/witty best friend,
Pros
“Giant transforming robot car” - sort of explains itself.
Excellent sense of humor.
Laser cannon hands.
No need to worry about gas. Ever.
Cons
Really likes Rick Astley.
...
the bar has been lowered... →
people are dumb and now there’s a new “scarlet letter” to help identify them.
-D.A.
“Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for “better treatment?” ...”
– Jack Handy
Dieting Gone A Rye (Awry)
Enough of this healthy low-carb rye bread nonsense!!! I was at the supermarket the other day and my wife surreptitiously took all the “regular” bread out of the cart and replaced it with the low-carb garbage. Quite apart from sending me signs of my weight problem, which is insulting in and of itself, but she insulted my tastebuds. As such, they are no longer “buds” with her...
The Landlord is running out of land....
I rent a modest 560 sq foot apartment from a curmudgeon of a Landlord. Essentially, this cantankerous landlord would make Marge Schott seem like Captain Sullenberger. So, the crux of the matter is when the encroachment onto my space will end? First, how many pieces of plastic crud can one buy—pink flamingos, crystal lawn ornaments, ducks with ponchos. Enough!! It looks like the landlord...
hello and welcome!
Hi, my name is unimportant and you probably don’t care anyway. This little crap-shack of a blog is a work in progress, but there are some basic rules I will try to follow:
I’ll speak in short paragraphs and even shorter sentences.
I will not take your intelligence into consideration. I don’t think you’re dumb, just preoccupied. These words are probably only a snapshot of the countless...